The Beauty and Power In Crying

What is the first thing that you think of when it comes to crying? Maybe pain, sadness, anger? I mean, I wouldn’t exactly disagree with you. But I suppose in my perspective, when it comes to crying, it’s more so relief, advancement and growth that come to mind. That could very well be the optimist in me speaking, but when you’ve had as much experience with crying as I have, you really begin to look at it differently.

I am a very sensitive person – I honestly don’t think I have even been that ashamed to admit it. Do I wish I was not as emotionally expressive or sensitive – absolutely, but as you’ve read in my blogs as of late, I believe it is more important to be true to myself and accept the nature of my temperament.

Now, before I even get into this topic, I want us to run through some misconceptions that people have with regard to crying:

• Crying is a sign of weakness
• Men don’t cry – only women cry
• You should be crying less as you mature
• Crying is only acceptable during major life crises
• It’s not good to cry

I am sure that there are many other opinions, but that list should cover the bases. The misconception that I have always had the biggest problem with is the idea that men don’t cry. Men are supposed to be strong and be able to handle anything. They shouldn’t show emotion, unless it’s those more along the “toughness” spectrum. I believe that this is one of the most unfortunate virtues of hyper-masculinity. Now I’m not saying that crying will solve the alarming suicide rate among men, high incarceration rates among men, or unmatched rates of murder by men, but I do believe a culture that promotes emotional vulnerability, acceptance and support for all people could be a start to resolution.

But I don’t want this to detour into a completely different conversation - I want to talk about crying and how I believe it is a therapeutic practice.

The Definition of Crying

You know how this goes, let’s start by defining the action in the context that I am referring to so that we are on the same page.

Crying. (n.d.). Retrieved May 26, 2018, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crying

• Adj. – calling for notice; notorious, heinous

Rather straightforward I say. Why I think that this definition is fitting for the point that I am preparing to make is that it goes beyond the obvious action of tears streaming down one’s face and highlights the core event that is being described: something is being called to attention. When you want to cry about something, referring to when you feel emotions welling up inside and being compelled to release tears, there is something that your cognition is noticing and is triggering a physical response.

As I outlined above, the more common circumstances when this would take place is during major life events, like the loss of a loved one (meaning death, or even something less severe like losing a friendship/relationship). But I think people would be lying if they didn’t admit that to there being more minor, micro-moments of having the urge to cry. Perhaps if you had a confrontation with a random person in a store, or messed up on a project, or you’re frustrated with yourself for not achieving a certain goal. Do some people cry over these things – sure they do, and I think it’s perfectly healthy. But there are some people who don’t. So over time, these people ignore or quiet something internally that is raising attention to these various areas, until let’s say they reach a point where all of the alarms are suddenly activated at a random, overwhelming instance. That’s what we call a breakdown.

A Healthy Practice of Crying

Trust me, I know, the actual experience of crying pretty much sucks. By no means am I saying that it is the new trendy activity that people should get into because it’s so much fun. It can be overwhelming and exhausting. Too much crying can obviously be a sign of depression, so definitely not encouraging people to constantly succumb to emotions or allow them to disrupt your everyday life. But what I am saying is in those micro-moments of intensity, you might be surprised by the incredible opportunity for healthiness and growth that could come from them.

Before I get into my opinion as why crying is great for growth, let’s get into some of the observed and studied benefits:

1. It can have a self-soothing effect for people, which helps them relax seeing as how crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (according to this 2014 study).
2. This same study found that crying out of emotion can also release oxytocin and endorphins, which are feel good chemicals.
3. Building upon the above point and seeing how crying out of stress releases hormones related to that emotion, researchers believe that crying can reduce the amount stress-related chemicals in the body.
4. Seeing as how crying is an attachment behavior, it calls to attention to people around you, promoting interpersonal and social support, which is highly beneficial (according to this 2016 study)
5. It may not be a surprise that crying has been found to help babies sleep better (according to a small 2015 study). The same has yet to be found for adults, but I can say from personal experience that it has certainly helped my sleep.
6. And finally, tears contain a fluid called lysozyme that helps kill bacteria and keep eyes clean. These tears in turn also help keep the eyes lubricated, which may result in sustained eye vision.

Pretty cool, right? Were you aware of any of these? I personally found this all pretty encouraging, and it has led me to take a closer look at crying and realize what it can do for people, even beyond these benefits. I believe that crying highlights some very important areas within oneself that need to be evaluated and addressed on a deep level. It brings you down to one of your most vulnerable states and makes you be honest with yourself. For me at least, as the tears are streaming down my face, I believe my spirit is speaking to me. My spirit is making me take a hard look at the various things I’ve been holding on to, and telling me it’s ok to let them go. Telling me that I’m strong enough to move forward, even if what I’m shedding is important to me, and even if the steps I have to take next may hurt.

Instead of losing yourself in despair or ignoring the opportunity to resolve the things that shake your soul, these moments of crying give you an incredible opportunity to dive into your roots, your core, your truest being, and make a change. Whether it’s a life-changing decision, relinquishing a long-residing demon, or putting some vital things in order, crying brings you in communion with your very essence and calls you to do something incredible. Again, this could be the optimist and romantic in me that is trying to spin crying in a more positive direction, but remember, people cry when they’re happy as well, so there’s something beautiful in the experience – whether stemming from pain or pleasure.

When Was The Last Time You Cried?

You obviously don’t have to tell me – but it’s a question that I think is worth exploring. Maybe your life has been pure sunshine and you haven’t had to shed tears as much as other people, or you've already gone through your fair share of growth and are in a really goo place. Be sure you’re counting those blessing. But if you find yourself encountering the urge to cry, even if it’s over something you think is silly or trivial, I guess I’m encouraging you not be afraid to explore what your soul and spirit are trying to tell you. We are incredibly complex and sophisticated creatures – we’re universes of our very own. And while exploring the unknown can be intimidating and uncomfortable, sometimes you need to brave the darkness to find the light you’ve looking for. But that's just my humble POV on that matter.

Just never forget – joy comes in the morning.