Why It's Important To Be True To Yourself

I am pretty sure that I already know the answer, but have you ever heard the phrase "Be Yourself"?. Well, I certainly hope so, because those two simple words hold a tremendous amount of power if understood and lived by. In a world rampant with mental disorders, polarizing political views and the permeation of technology, it is of vital importance to stay grounded in an identity that is true to oneself. 

Early Lessons

I remember when I first heard those powerful words - be yourself. I was a very young child, maybe somewhere between 6 and 8 years old. I had come home after a horrible day at school - I remember as soon as I got home and saw my mother, I burst into tears. The boys at school had teased me - accusing me of being gay because of something I had said or done, which at that age, wasn't more than repeating something that a woman said on television. 

I was devastated - because at that time, being considered gay by your male peers was one of the worst things that a little boy could experience. I didn't understand what I had done "wrong", and being incredibly hurt by the accusation, I was immediately launched into confusion. I have always been close with my mother, and she and my sisters knew how incredibly innocent, sincere and delicate I was. While I do not remember everything that my mother told me to comfort my shattered soul, one thing still echoes crystal clear from that time: "Just be yourself papi." 

Those words meant everything to me! They told me that I am fine just the way that I am. They told me that my feelings were valid, and that my antagonists did not know who I was. But I did - and I always have. I was always a vibrant, flamboyant person. My personality has always been large and I have always been expressive. Being raised by three females, it was only natural that I would manifest feminine behavior. But none of that made me any less of a man, any less of person. Those powerful words that my mother gifted me with at such a young age secured my humanity. 

New Learnings With Adulthood 

That painful experience as a child wouldn't be the first. Over the years, I have encountered countless insults, betrayal and abandonment - all stemming from who I am as a person and what I believe to be true and real. but when it comes to those experiences in school - a lot of it can be attributed to developing persons who are ignorant and making sense of the world and the people around them. I would say that the most insidious and manipulative experiences emerged once I entered the workforce. 

When it comes to being a worker, you will find that there are countless wolves in sheep's clothing who aim to control others to benefit themselves and their personal agendas. I remember when I was interviewing for my first real job during high school, the lady I interviewed with at a local retail store mentioned that she loved hiring people who had never had a job before because they are easier to mold to fit the demands of the job. While I appreciated that transparency at the time, and we did end of having a solid working relationship, I wasn't aware that so many other adults in my career would have the same perspective as her, and would be a lot more sneaky. 

I think my first frustrating experience in that regard happened during my part-time marketing job in college. It was a great job that set the foundation for the career I have today. I would present interesting ideas and would always try to push other teams to take advantage of opportunities that could take their programs to the next level. But of course, there is always someone in power that doesn't let certain things through if it doesn't fit their agenda. Let's call this gentleman, Gru - and his lead, Paula. They would complain that the marketing plans our team developed weren't making a difference for their programs. But event after event, his team would do the minimum and would not put in the work to implement our more engaging or creative executions. They would make us look mediocre, and of course give themselves the benefit of the doubt. 

It was discouraging, and I sometimes felt powerless. When I would have 1:1 meetings with my director to discuss progress, I would express this frustration to her, and there was one meeting in particular that still sticks with me to this day. I was expressing how I felt like I was putting so much forward, and how it seemed like people on other times got more traction than my team was. She said the following - paraphrased of course, it's been several years:

"When you are genius, people will either try to control you or stifle you."

Wow, what a reality check. I mean, it was honestly not completely surprising - I had countless experiences in high school and college where teachers or team captains would jump at any chance to make me look bad. But to hear something so real come from such a strong and powerful leader I looked up to really made it sink in. She shared how she had experienced much of the same in her career, and that it can make you want to stop. But she encouraged me to not let that hold me back from doing what I need to do and just to be aware so that I can navigate around it in my path ahead. 

So building upon the motivation to "Be yourself", this advice added "And don't let anyone stop you" to the end of it. Just like the attacks on my identity and sexuality experienced through secondary school and college, I have had countless managers try to take advantage, manipulate or contain my potential throughout my course in corporate America. While for the most part I have followed the directions given to me, I have made an effort to not settle for anything that does not suit my abilities or destiny. Of course, not all of these people have intentionally tried to disrupt my path, but I have nonetheless been conscious to steer clear of circumstances or placements where that outcome could result. 

There Is Only One You 

Alright, I think we've learned enough about my experiences - and please, do not think that I am trying to paint myself as any sort of victim in sharing any of these stories. I simply wanted to put into context what "Be Yourself" has meant to me, and how it can be applied to different aspects of life.

So here is what I encourage you not to do - of course, it is ultimately up to you to decide:

1. Let family members dictate that you be anything else besides who you truly know or believe yourself to be. 
2. Let your friends/peers influence or persuade you to be or do anything that you do not believe is right for yourself. 
3. Let lovers or partners make you conform to a definition or standard that does not fit who you are. 
4. Let employers, managers or leaders tell you who you can or cannot be, or what you can or cannot do. 

If you find comfort in the direction and mandates of others, more power to you. But if you have ever felt silenced, controlled, or demeaned by anyone - then I invite you to take a deep look at yourself and think about what you truly want for yourself. You are not living for anyone else's purpose but your own (or your children's until they reach a conscious age where they can live their own purpose). So break the chains that bind you, grab yourself by the hand, and walk the path you were born to walk. I would be shocked if peace and happiness don't greet you on the other side.